I Intend To Escape ......................And Come Back

Who Sells Your Data?

Having had the same mobile phone since 2006, last week I decided to move with the times, and bought a Blackberry.

Because I have been working 12 hour shifts ever since, I have barely used it - only ringing three people on it - my mum, my wife and a work colleague. I have not told anyone else my new phone number, because I simply have not got round to it. Despite this, within five days I received the following text message from a number unknown to me, 0751 324 5036:

"Our records indicate you may be entitled to £3250 for the accident you had. To apply free reply CLAIM to this message. To opt out text STOP."

Needless to say I have ignored this speculative approach from the compensation culture. The bigger question though is how this unnamed company got my details? None of the people I have phoned would have passed my number on, which leaves either Blackberry or T-Mobile. A nice little earner for one of them no doubt, but quite where it leaves their professional standards, or the privacy of the data we share with such companies, is another matter entirely.

I am tied to a two year contract with T-Mobile, which they no doubt take very seriously. It is a shame that not everyone out there takes concepts of data protection amd privacy quite so seriously...........

On Cuts .... And Libraries

Some have speculated that the UK protest movement may have peaked, especially as the lively student protests of 2010 have yet to reappear this year.

Nonsense. Firstly yesterday saw the marvellous actions by UK Uncut against corporate tax avoiders Barclays. Secondly, and more generally, we have seen the widespread opposition to the Con-Dems bizarre attempts to privatise forests (even Thatcher did not come up with that one!) and the determined opposition to cuts in local library services.

I spent this afternoon in Stratford public library in Newham, and was reminded once again of the importance of these services. Firstly because Stratford is, to my knowledge, pretty much the only public library open on a Sunday in east London. Secondly I looked around and saw scores of working class people there for the same reason as I was - they wanted somewhere peaceful in which to study and research. And in many homes that is still quite a hard thing to come by - either because of noise, lack of space or the demands of other family members. Without libraries - where do such people go? A government of public schoolboys can never understand that.

Lest anyone think I am all misty eyed about all public services in all circumstances, I am not. Whatever some on the left may tell you (especially when they talk about the NHS) such services are not 'ours'. Here is one example of why not. This afternoon I wanted to use the library toilet, and found them locked. On tracking down an austere member of staff, I was told "I've locked them because the library is closing in fifteen minutes". The thought of perhaps locking them five minutes before the library closed, or better still after all the public had left, had clearly never occured to this woman. Indeed when I persisted, I was advised to go to Morrison's supermarket next door. I did. And even though Morrison's was also due to shut at 1700, people were allowed in without any fuss at all.

By all means let us save our public services from coalition cuts. But at the same time, let us press to make public services truly welcoming to the public, and indeed to involve the public as much as possible in the running of those services.

We can do better.

Thanks Amazon............

It is interesting to note that since I applied for a credit card with book sellers Amazon, I have bombarded with junk emails from credit card companies - now up to the total of 30 a day.

At least with junk mail you can post it back, without a stamp on it, to the sender, and they then may have to pick up the tab. Other than deleting this shit, there seems little or no response possible. Is there?

The Truth Behind NPowers 'Free' Lightbulb's

Like most Npower customers, I received 4 free low energy light bulbs just before Christmas. 

Given the money this company have made out of me over the years, and their tendency to discriminate against customers who do not pay by direct debit, they will have to go a bit further than that to bribe me. All the more interesting then to read that this dumping was rushed through before a ban on issuing unsolicited bulbs, and that NPower saved millions of pounds with this act. 

Green capitalism - dontcha just love it!

The Olympic Way

The Olympics is already pressing the buttons of London's drivers. 

What should be a relatively speedy couple of miles along the A12 past the fast developing Olympic site is now a nightmare. For no apparent reason, the usual 40 and then 50 miles per hour speed limit has been reduced to 30. There is no work on the A12 itself, and no lanes are closed (although a very important pile of cones is placed in a lay by on both the west and eastbound sections).

So - are the speed restrictions in place to encourage us to gawp at the one sign of progress as regards the Olympics? Or is that the the speed cameras are needed so every driver snapped can contribute a juicy fine to the government, which can in turn use the money to fund this white elephant? 

If I Fell Into A Bucket Of Tits......

I would come out sucking my thumb. 

How about this for luck:

1030 - Spend £54 on new tyres and new inner tubes for my bike, plus sorting out a rubbing back wheel.

1345 - Cycle over a bottle in Hoxton, bursting a new inner tube. Locking my bike at Old Street station, I have to buy a travel card to get to work on time. 

0030 - After a nine and a half hour shift, return to Old Street to find my bike has been stolen. 

I have had my bike for nearly six years, it was one of the best Christmas presents I have ever had, and can't help feeling that a part of my life has gone. Bastards!

LCCC: A Mean Spirited Attitude

I spent yesterday afternoon at Old Trafford, where Lancashire were taking on Kent in a 40 over match. (I decline to use the terms Lancashire Lightning or Kent Spitfires).

With Lancashire strongly placed, rain intervened and like most fans I adjourned to the bars area, where the TV screens were showing coverage of England's one day international at Lord's. Since the recent 20/20 debacles, Lancashire County Cricket Club have been getting brickbats from all quarters, and yesterday was to show once again the problems some in the cricket world have in their attitudes towards the paying public.

Firstly, it was impossible to hear the PA system in the bar area. What would have happended in case of fire I don't know, but the only way you could hear announcements as regards possible further play was to walk back out into an uncovered area. As the rain was light, and the England v Australia match was at a critical stage, most fans stayed in the ground, even after Luke Wright's dismissal on the small screen. Indeed most fans outside the bars were unaware Lancashire's match had been abandoned until the staff stopped serving and pulled down the shutters.

Given the number of full or broadly full pints, and that England's match was at a crucial stage with five overs remaining, it would not have hurt Lancashire to allow fans to stay in the ground, finish their pints, and watch England's last pairing, Paul Collingwood and James Anderson, hopefully put up some resistance. Instead a G4S security guard following orders, switched off each TV screen.

"We've had your money, now piss off home" is the message.

I Hate Rinse FM

My car journeys are becoming hell.

Like many others, my car radio has an annoying feature - it will automatically cut from the radio station I am listening to, to traffic news. As with many other car owners, I am not clever enough to be able to switch this feature off, nor am I able to find the manual to learn how to do it. 

Pirate radio station Rinse FM have somehow found this weakness - and attacked it. Somehow my car radio is convinced Rinse FM is giving out vital traffic information - and diverts to their brand of gig adverts and ego-jockeys every few minutes. Worse the radio has seemingly developed a mind of its own - CD's, when played in inner London, are now switching themselves off, and Rinse FM is coming on. 

My biggest fear of musical torture was always being locked in a room and forced to listen to swingbeat for 24 hours. For swingbeat, now read Rinse FM...... 

The Machines Take Over, But Everything Gets Slower

One of the great myths of capitalist society is the suggestion that labour saving devices are always beneficial, or even that they always save time. 

Yesterday I had the dubious honour of paying a cheque into my bank. I queued up at the counter rather than using the paying in machine, as I prefer to deal with human beings, and I also wanted to clarify how long the cheque would take clear. 

Astonishingly my cheque won't clear fully until Thursday 4th June - a full six days. How can it be, in these days of automation and super fast computers, a bank can take six days (including four working days) to clear a cheque? Oddly enough none of the cheques I write seem to take six days to clear? Clearly the banks would rather charge interest on any overdraft than process cheques promptly.   

A second surprise followed. Although the teller would answer my question, she was not supposed  to take my cheque. Obviously not - why interact with a customer, passing the time of day, when you could send them to a machine where they can press buttons instead? 

Few Will Mourn David Ross

News of the resignation of Carphone Warehouse boss David Ross will be met by cheering across the UK. 

Dodgy David has resigned after failing to disclose pledging millions of shares against personal loans. Every consumer has their own personal hate figure - the company that has ripped them off, lied to them and pissed them about the most. For me - and thousands of others - it is Carphone Warehouse. 

Back in 2006, I took out a phone contract with them. Despite all their projections, it always worked out as a far higher monthly bill than pay as you go. When my phone was stolen in Thailand, I went to considerable time, trouble and effort to inform Carphone Warehouse in the UK of the theft. I was told to claim on the insurance I had with them on my return to Britain. 

A few weeks later, and a different story emerged. The small print apparently said I was only covered if the theft was in the UK (and they wonder why so many people make fraudulent claims about mobile phone thefts!) I took this on the chin, and went in to the store where I originally bought my phone, to get a replacement handset. 

Moving on several months, I broke my phone. As soon as I attempted to claim on my insurance, I was told that I had not insured my handset. When I protested, the Carphone Warehouse employee accused me of trying to scam them and I was asked to leave the store. An employee at another store revealed that everyone's favourite mobile phone company had never cancelled the insurance on my first (stolen) phone, and had of course failed to insure the second phone I had bought from them. 

I guess my principles preclude me from punching employees (sadly David Ross was not seen on the shop floor during this dispute) and it was perhaps because of my barely controlled anger I then fell victim to a rather subtle Carphone Warehouse fiddle. Regent Street manager Ben Armstrong arranged for a replacement handset free of charge, and offered me a refund on the insurance I had paid out. I left the store on that basis - and of course a week later got a letter from higher up the food chain, withdrawing the financial offer Mr Armstrong had made. 

According to a friend who managed one of largest Citizens Advice Bureau in east London, the private company the CAB had most complaints about was Carphone Warehouse. All of those complainants will be cheering today at the downfall of Mr Ross. 

When Did A Volley Cease To Be A Volley?

Not for the first time, John Motson made me wince on Saturday night.

Listening to his commentary of West Ham's defeat of Blackburn, he slipped in to one of modern football's most irritating terms. Some years ago (presumably at a secret meeting chaired by Andy Gray) it seems to have been decided to cancel the correct terminology for a volley.

Any football fan knows that volley is a shot where the ball is hit before it touches the ground. The Oxford English Dictionary states:

(in sports, esp. tennis or soccer) a strike or kick of the ball made before it touches the ground.

Marco Van Bastens goal for Holland in the 1988 European Championships is the perhaps the classic example of a volley in all its glory. Sadly, football's revisionists have decided to apply the term volley willy-nilly, and especially to shots that are in fact half-volleys, or even simply kicks of a bouncing ball.

To end my case for the prosecution, I quote from Motson's despicable commentary of West Ham's third goal on Saturday night:

"And Bellamy waits for it to bounce once, then twice, then he hits it on the volley".

Mr Motson - you Sir are a disgrace!

Get Ready For Some Top Griping

Nobody can moan quite like a Yorkshireman.

The sight of Geoff Boycott's face after a poor days cricket from England is enough to curdle milk at 50 yards. Rumour has it that when Ian Botham deliberately ran Boycott out in a one day international in New Zealand in 1978, all locally produced milk was soured for a period of two days!

Connoisseurs of gripe are therefore expecting much from the new Yorkshire based blog Snook Cocker. Just don't expect too many choruses of "Don't Worry Be Happy".

Stick Your Strawberries and Cream

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

For two consecutive Saturdays I have sat down at 8pm to watch Dad's Army Army on BBC2, and for two consecutive Saturdays the BBC have seen content to rip up its scheduled programming to show a minority sport - tennis.

Sue Barker, Buster Mottram and Cliff Richard aside, it is hard to imagine anyone who would prefer to watch a game of tennis rather than Britain's finest ever situation comedy. I can only assume that as Wimbledon is a ring-fenced event (Sky cannot legally snatch it away from the terrestrial channels) the Beeb feel the need to inflict this over-hyped rubbish on the general public for two whole weeks every year.

At least it is nearly over............

The Gripers Arms

As a section of this blog is devoted to griping, I was impressed to read that the Bishop Blaze pub in Hampshire now has a 'grumpy hour' devoted to grumbling, griping and gurning.

Unless it is solely devoted to cheap beer, I don't really like Happy Hours. There is nothing worse than forced frivolity, but I doubt much effort will need to be made to get punters into the pub for a grumpy hour.

Bishop Blaze regulars would certainly be impressed if they got themselves a day return from Romsey to London. After a good gripe about the rail fare and the journey, they could head over to Stoke Newington, where I would argue the Rochester Castle on Stoke Newington High Street is Britain's most miserable pub.

This pub really has the lot - a high average age, lots of men in groups of one, the opportunity to watch endless police chases up and down the A10, and as its a Wetherspoons it is cheap. Oh and the last time I went, some suspiciously wet seats........

The Void Between Advertising and Reality

Watching the succession of adverts for the Post Office, it is easy to be sucked in by image.

Ken and his team portray a homely, pipe and slippers world of street corner post offices, with a mixture of traditional service, bargains and an expanding range of items for the customer. If he were still alive, I am sure Sid James would be stood in the queue, cackling away with the staff.

Television post offices do not have queues 30 strong, nor are they tucked away in the back of a Tesco or Londis supermarket. Recently I needed to post a parcel in Ascot, Berkshire. I checked the Post Office hours in the window of the Martin store in which it is located. Having been informed the post office was open all day, I returned at 1.05pm - to find it closed.

Two members of staff were shuffling paper at the rear, and eventually realised they could no longer ignore me standing dumbstruck at their closed window. "Oh, we're closed for lunch now" was the reply. The sign advertising 0900-1730 was apparently out of date, and a new one on order was yet to arrive. I can't help thinking that it must be possible to hand write something as basic as "The Post Office is closed for lunch between 1-2pm" , but if you work at Ascot Post Office it clearly is not.

Even though it would have taken less than a minute to serve me, rules are rules, so I had to come back after lunch. When I did (the only other post office is miles away) the woman nudged her manager "I can't believe it - its that man who cursed me earlier!"

Someone I don't think Ken would have approved...........

Sweet White Lies

It is a peculiarly English trait that it is sometimes preferable to tell a lie, even though the person who is being lied to knows they are being lied to, rather than to tell the truth.

For many years now, if I have been travelling between the East Anglian coast and London, I have stopped at a small cafe, The Halfway cafe, in the village of  Darsham. I even know the opening hours at cafe 7am until 3pm.

Parking up today at 2.26pm, I thought I would have more than enough time for a meal, and for the staff to kick me out well before 3pm. Entering the premises at 2.28pm, I immediately noticed the till had been taken away, and glimpsed a staff member putting away the days utensils.

"I'm afraid we are not serving anymore food today".

For some reason the word food was given added emphasis, as if they were still serving something else instead. But what else could they be doing in a cafe?

Rather than admit they were finishing early - it now 2.29pm, I was told - "we stopped serving at 2.30pm."

I would not actually have minded had the waitress told me the truth - they had decided to finish early, it was sunny day, and I would just have to do without. Instead it seems easier to tell lies - to say it is after 2.30pm when it is not, and to say that an advertised closing time of 3pm actually means 2.30pm - anything but the truth.

All bollocks, and all very, very English. 

Can Anyone Explain The Point of Garth Crooks To Me?

The quotes below come from today's Telegraph:

"The evidence is overwhelming. In the past the industry has been appalling at encouraging black players to make the transition into coaching and management," said Garth Crooks, an FA Cup winner with Tottenham and advisor to the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

"Everybody in football is trying very hard to address the perception from grassroots that the industry might be perceived as institutionally racist."

One area that is not, presumably 'institutionally racist' is the media, where Crooks has made a very good living since his retirement, despite his monotone style, hangdog appearance and inability to interest the listener in his views. If it has never occurred to you Garth that you have the career you do largely because of your colour, let me assure you it has occurred to plenty of other people.

The biggest change I have seen in football in the 30 odd years I have been going to games is the decline of casual racism. As I have never been in any football boardrooms (unlike Garth Crooks) I don't know if the people who run the game at the highest level are racist or not. I do know however that if Frank Rijkaard leaves Barcelona this summer, a fair few English clubs will be begging him to come to the UK. Oh, and it won't be too long before Paul Ince is naming his price either.

How London Buses Steals From Londoners

London is going though one if its periodic clamp downs on fare-dodging.

Twice in recent weeks I have seen huge numbers of ticket inspectors waiting at Hackney bus stops, backed up by over a dozen police, with vans to take away those without tickets. The message from these events is always the same - why should dishonest people avoid paying, when others pay?

There are several problems with this argument. First of all public transport should be for the public, and therefore should either be free or as close to it as possible. The second problem is the sort of journey I experienced today - where I end up paying double, with no choice in the matter, no possible recompense and only the words "sorry mate" as comfort. I feel I have been robbed by London Buses, but no one in uniform is interested in my experience.

This afternoon I had a simple journey to make - from Bethnal Green to Finsbury Park. Two suitable buses - the 106 and 254 came straight away. I got on the 106 Aldgate - Finsbury Park as it was in front, gave the driver my £1 saver ticket, and boarded. Half way through the journey the bus reaches Stoke Newington, and the driver begins flashing the lights - the sign for the end of the journey. When I reminded him the bus plainly said "Finsbury Park" on the front he simply shrugged, said "sorry mate" and asked us to leave.

As any saver ticket user will know - once you hand your ticket over, that's it. If the sign on the front is incorrect, or the bus destination changes en route - it is tough shit. I believe it is the same for Oyster card users - despite the oyster card being hyped as the best thing to happen to London's public transport system.
A nice 15 minute wait in the winter cold followed, before handing over another 'saver' ticket for a journey I had already paid for once. Tempted as I was to go the nearest police station and report a theft by London Buses, I instead headed about my business. But the next time I see police arresting 'fare dodgers' I know which side I will be on.......

A Scam To Be Aware Of

Last month I got hit by my bank after a little scam that I had certainly never considered before, but which must effect thousands of people per year.

Checking into a hotel, I was required to give my card details. I was informed that a £240 deposit would be marked against the card - roughly I assume the cost of my stay, and the value of the mini-bar!

On leaving a few days later I paid the £195 bill with my card, and naturally assumed the £240 would be cancelled. Come the end of the week, and I was astonished to find my bank had charged me £25 for going overdrawn, even though I had not done so. What followed was a kafkaesque journey into a world where big organisations blame each other, and the individual is the loser.

I had used my debit card as security at the hotel. Legally this gives the hotel the right for up to seven days to remove that money from my account - even if I have left the hotel, and paid in full after one night. Needless to say this is not explained to you by the receptionist. This sum is marked against your bank balance, so even if it is not actually used, it is a reserved sum that can be withdrawn.

My hotel insisted the bank should not have viewed the transaction in such a way. My bank insisted the hotel should have cancelled the transaction on my departure. Only after very lengthy phonecalls did the bank refund me my £25, and the whole experience has left a rather bitter taste in the mouth.

My conclusions are:

* If stopping in a hotel, use a credit card for deposits, or cash
* On departing, insist that all previous transactions are cancelled
* If banks charge you unfairly, do not stop arguing with them until they see sense
* Remember - scratch any major capitalist organisation, and you find a thief

Where In The World?

PC World seem to have the biggest scam going in the Christmas sales.

According to their extensive advertising over the Christmas period, PC World were offering laptops for some £200. Given this I popped down with an associate to a local store (I won't say which one in case it gets any of the staff into trouble)

One of the things bosses cannot do, no matter how hard they try is ensure that all their staff are delivering the corporate message, all of the time. An honest worker told us the truth. Yes there are laptops for £200 - but only 10 per day, and people had been queuing up for them at 0430. They had gone virtually as soon as the doors opened. It is a bit like those cut price train trickets that are advertised but virtually impossible to buy - only available between 1130 and 1215, on days of the week that do not have a Y in them, and only sold to people standing on one leg whilst using the internet in Ulverston.

The PC World scam is of course designed to get you in their stores, then hope you leave with something anyway. Like a lot of things, it should be illegal, but is not. So much for the law "protecting us" from unscrupulous businessmen.........

Why The Royal Mail Is Losing A Fortune

I popped out this afternoon to pay my TV/Internet and Phone bill.

It seems the Royal Mail have now introduced a charge of just under £2 to do this at my local post office. If I go to my local small supermarket (next door to the old post office that closed in 2003) I can pay nearly all my bills for free.

Do you get the feeling the government has already decided it wants to close the small post offices that actually remain, and that instead it wants to boost the finances of Londis, Spar, Robinsons's and similar companies?

Hands Free?

My mobile phone has always interfered with my car radio.

Yesterday whilst driving something entirely new happened. Although the keypad was locked on my phone, and the phone was face up on the passengers seat, the phone began making a call, itself, to a number in my address book.

How spooky is that? Or is this another Carphone Warehouse conspiracy to make even more money at my expense?

The Profits of the Oil Industry

This morning I had reason to buy some petrol in the early hours of the morning.

In Hackney that is not so simple - most petrol stations are closed, and those that are open come complete with such welcoming signs as "Pay before getting petrol" . How are you supposed to pay, if you do not know how much petrol you need? I guessed at £25, and handed that amount over. I was then told that only one pump was open - number 7.

You can guess what happened next - as I was walking back to move my car, someone drives straight up to pump number 7. Having waited for him to speak to the cashier, return to his vehicle and then discover it was the diesel pump he actually wanted, I finally got to put petrol into my car.

As I walked back to get my change (£23 had filled me up) I noticed two signs. One declared that our safety was assured by CCTV, and the other stressed that the garage had sophisticated numberplate recogniton software.

If so, why do we need to pay in advance? Are the profits of the oil industry that threatened that this belt and braces approach is forced onto all customers?

Complaint of the Year

The letter below has been e mailed around London offices recently, and has been described as the "complaint of the year". It probably is!

I think it shows one of the problems of consumer society - yes we have money to spend, and no one is starving in the streets, but on one level we have never had less control over our lives, or felt as helpless when faced with crap corporate capitalism. I only have to hear the words "your call is important to us, please hold" and any doubts I have about being an anarchist just fade away. Call centres - whether here or in India - may well oppress their workforces. But what the hell do they do to those who actually use them?

Basil Brush Revamped

This has caused me real pain.

I used to love Basil Brush as a child (and of course as an adult) There was something timeless about his little outfit, his bushy tail and best of all his laugh. Like millions of other people my age, I only have to hear it to smile, and think of warmer more comfortable times.

Now, without any mandate at all, Basil Brush has been revamped. When and how this crime was committed I do not know but you only have to visit this website to see a revamped "down wit the yoof" Basil. Even his voice has changed. I would have said being the voice of Basil Brush, just like playing Mr Roy, was a responsible job for life, but no, even that has changed. Is there any salvation from this madness?

All I can suggest is visiting the BBC's Cult TV site, where you can see some classic Basil!

In Defence Of Griping

I have been asked why I have a section of this blog devoted to griping.

Quite simply, I believe griping is a perfectly healthy activity. Indeed there should be more of it, not less. Griping is a natural reaction to a society in which people are alienated, disillusioned and ignored. Which most of us are. Did you agree with the war in Iraq? Did you ask for the introduction of Oyster Cards in London? Do you think its right that you have to pay a months rent in advance, yet you get your salary a month in arrears? I suspect the answer to each of those questions, and indeed thousands of others just like them, is no.

What is unnatural are some of the cliches that try to prevent us from griping. "What's the use of complaining" or "Don't worry be happy" we are told. Whilst the latter is an example of creeping Americanisation (and is nearly as offensive as "Have A Nice Day") that complaining is useless is an not an argument against complaining in any way, shape or form. If life is not what it should be, we should and indeed must say so.

One of my favourite historical gripers was the Yorkshire writer J B Priestley. Indeed his griping once got him into trouble:

"Once, years ago, at a large party, when I was grumbling as usual, a young woman who was a stranger to me turned on me fiercely and told me I had better go home instead of trying to spoil other people's pleasure. I was taken aback, and may be said to have stayed aback ever since."

Priestley justified his griping as not just in his nature, but his duty as a writer. Put simply, he wanted to grumble and gripe on behalf of those who could not, or would not easily do so. And there is nothing wrong with that.

J B Priestley

Destroying, In Order To Protect

The picture below is of a CCTV camera attached to one of Ireland's most historic buildings - Blarney Castle in County Cork.

I can only assume it is there to protect the historic property, or for the security of those visiting.

It has to be said that the chances of you being robbed and murdered in Blarney are pretty slim, so we can presume the cameras (there were several others) are there to protect the castle.

Think about this. In order to protect the castle, the authorities drill bloody great holes into it, and attach an electronic CCTV system to its walls. Walls that had otherwise stood unmolested for hundreds of years. Is it me, or is that absolute fucking madness?

Mugged Again

I get mugged at least once a month.

Telewest Broadband in action

No I am not attacked in the streets, or yanked off my bike.

Each month my internet/phone and TV supplier mugs me, by adding £4 to my bill, as I decline to pay by direct debit. Paying by direct debit is simply not convenient for me, as more than one person pays the bill that is sent to me each month. I have no desire to pay in full myself, then hassle friends for money as if I was their landlord. Also I consider such policies as discriminating against those who either do not have, or do not want to have a bank account - some 20% of the population. Why is such discrimination legal?

It is hard to think of another service that treats its customers in this way. My corner shop, pub, supermarket, insurance company, take away - even Hackney Council do not pull this stunt.

My response? The bill is always in arrears, and is always paid just before they are about to suspend the service. Fuck 'em!

Intercoms - Why?

Like many estates, access to where I live is controlled by an intercom system.

I cannot recall Hackney Council asking me if I wanted an intercom system installed, and since it has been installed I have never been asked if I want it to stay - I just came home from work one day and there it was. Installed.

Presumeably some well meaning person, somewhere on Mare Street, took the view that such a system would improve my quality of life. It does not - in fact it does the exact opposite. Firstly every crackhead and junkie who wants to get into the block, still can. They merely have to wait 30 seconds for someone to come out of the block, and in they go. Same same for those looking to distribute pizza flyers or invitations to spend your Sundays surrounded by religious maniacs.

Delivery drivers and tradesmen however, are not made of the sort of stern stuff that makes up the average Hackney junkie. To the staff of Parcelforce, Parcelnet and similar companies, my block is protected by a ring of steel. As the intercom is mounted on the right hand door rather than the left, some simply approach the left hand door, see it is locked and piss off. A minority try the Intercom, and if you are not in, piss off. An even smaller minority still, will leave a card - pinned to the front door of the block. There it is either nicked by junkies, blows away in the wind, or if you are very lucky, is spotted by the person it is intended for. Me.

The humiliation of being defeated by an Intercom system is however too much for some delivery men. "I put a card through your door, but you never rang me" is one refrain. Others insist there is no Intercom system at all - or in one case - invent the lie that I rejected the goods that they tried to deliver.

I have now given up ordering books via Amazon, because I am fed up with things I have paid for not reaching me. I wonder how many people in supposedly "secure" estates are in similar positions?