I Intend To Escape ......................And Come Back

Stick Your Strawberries and Cream

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

For two consecutive Saturdays I have sat down at 8pm to watch Dad's Army Army on BBC2, and for two consecutive Saturdays the BBC have seen content to rip up its scheduled programming to show a minority sport - tennis.

Sue Barker, Buster Mottram and Cliff Richard aside, it is hard to imagine anyone who would prefer to watch a game of tennis rather than Britain's finest ever situation comedy. I can only assume that as Wimbledon is a ring-fenced event (Sky cannot legally snatch it away from the terrestrial channels) the Beeb feel the need to inflict this over-hyped rubbish on the general public for two whole weeks every year.

At least it is nearly over............

The Gripers Arms

As a section of this blog is devoted to griping, I was impressed to read that the Bishop Blaze pub in Hampshire now has a 'grumpy hour' devoted to grumbling, griping and gurning.

Unless it is solely devoted to cheap beer, I don't really like Happy Hours. There is nothing worse than forced frivolity, but I doubt much effort will need to be made to get punters into the pub for a grumpy hour.

Bishop Blaze regulars would certainly be impressed if they got themselves a day return from Romsey to London. After a good gripe about the rail fare and the journey, they could head over to Stoke Newington, where I would argue the Rochester Castle on Stoke Newington High Street is Britain's most miserable pub.

This pub really has the lot - a high average age, lots of men in groups of one, the opportunity to watch endless police chases up and down the A10, and as its a Wetherspoons it is cheap. Oh and the last time I went, some suspiciously wet seats........

The Void Between Advertising and Reality

Watching the succession of adverts for the Post Office, it is easy to be sucked in by image.

Ken and his team portray a homely, pipe and slippers world of street corner post offices, with a mixture of traditional service, bargains and an expanding range of items for the customer. If he were still alive, I am sure Sid James would be stood in the queue, cackling away with the staff.

Television post offices do not have queues 30 strong, nor are they tucked away in the back of a Tesco or Londis supermarket. Recently I needed to post a parcel in Ascot, Berkshire. I checked the Post Office hours in the window of the Martin store in which it is located. Having been informed the post office was open all day, I returned at 1.05pm - to find it closed.

Two members of staff were shuffling paper at the rear, and eventually realised they could no longer ignore me standing dumbstruck at their closed window. "Oh, we're closed for lunch now" was the reply. The sign advertising 0900-1730 was apparently out of date, and a new one on order was yet to arrive. I can't help thinking that it must be possible to hand write something as basic as "The Post Office is closed for lunch between 1-2pm" , but if you work at Ascot Post Office it clearly is not.

Even though it would have taken less than a minute to serve me, rules are rules, so I had to come back after lunch. When I did (the only other post office is miles away) the woman nudged her manager "I can't believe it - its that man who cursed me earlier!"

Someone I don't think Ken would have approved...........

Sweet White Lies

It is a peculiarly English trait that it is sometimes preferable to tell a lie, even though the person who is being lied to knows they are being lied to, rather than to tell the truth.

For many years now, if I have been travelling between the East Anglian coast and London, I have stopped at a small cafe, The Halfway cafe, in the village of  Darsham. I even know the opening hours at cafe 7am until 3pm.

Parking up today at 2.26pm, I thought I would have more than enough time for a meal, and for the staff to kick me out well before 3pm. Entering the premises at 2.28pm, I immediately noticed the till had been taken away, and glimpsed a staff member putting away the days utensils.

"I'm afraid we are not serving anymore food today".

For some reason the word food was given added emphasis, as if they were still serving something else instead. But what else could they be doing in a cafe?

Rather than admit they were finishing early - it now 2.29pm, I was told - "we stopped serving at 2.30pm."

I would not actually have minded had the waitress told me the truth - they had decided to finish early, it was sunny day, and I would just have to do without. Instead it seems easier to tell lies - to say it is after 2.30pm when it is not, and to say that an advertised closing time of 3pm actually means 2.30pm - anything but the truth.

All bollocks, and all very, very English. 

Can Anyone Explain The Point of Garth Crooks To Me?

The quotes below come from today's Telegraph:

"The evidence is overwhelming. In the past the industry has been appalling at encouraging black players to make the transition into coaching and management," said Garth Crooks, an FA Cup winner with Tottenham and advisor to the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

"Everybody in football is trying very hard to address the perception from grassroots that the industry might be perceived as institutionally racist."

One area that is not, presumably 'institutionally racist' is the media, where Crooks has made a very good living since his retirement, despite his monotone style, hangdog appearance and inability to interest the listener in his views. If it has never occurred to you Garth that you have the career you do largely because of your colour, let me assure you it has occurred to plenty of other people.

The biggest change I have seen in football in the 30 odd years I have been going to games is the decline of casual racism. As I have never been in any football boardrooms (unlike Garth Crooks) I don't know if the people who run the game at the highest level are racist or not. I do know however that if Frank Rijkaard leaves Barcelona this summer, a fair few English clubs will be begging him to come to the UK. Oh, and it won't be too long before Paul Ince is naming his price either.

How London Buses Steals From Londoners

London is going though one if its periodic clamp downs on fare-dodging.

Twice in recent weeks I have seen huge numbers of ticket inspectors waiting at Hackney bus stops, backed up by over a dozen police, with vans to take away those without tickets. The message from these events is always the same - why should dishonest people avoid paying, when others pay?

There are several problems with this argument. First of all public transport should be for the public, and therefore should either be free or as close to it as possible. The second problem is the sort of journey I experienced today - where I end up paying double, with no choice in the matter, no possible recompense and only the words "sorry mate" as comfort. I feel I have been robbed by London Buses, but no one in uniform is interested in my experience.

This afternoon I had a simple journey to make - from Bethnal Green to Finsbury Park. Two suitable buses - the 106 and 254 came straight away. I got on the 106 Aldgate - Finsbury Park as it was in front, gave the driver my £1 saver ticket, and boarded. Half way through the journey the bus reaches Stoke Newington, and the driver begins flashing the lights - the sign for the end of the journey. When I reminded him the bus plainly said "Finsbury Park" on the front he simply shrugged, said "sorry mate" and asked us to leave.

As any saver ticket user will know - once you hand your ticket over, that's it. If the sign on the front is incorrect, or the bus destination changes en route - it is tough shit. I believe it is the same for Oyster card users - despite the oyster card being hyped as the best thing to happen to London's public transport system.
A nice 15 minute wait in the winter cold followed, before handing over another 'saver' ticket for a journey I had already paid for once. Tempted as I was to go the nearest police station and report a theft by London Buses, I instead headed about my business. But the next time I see police arresting 'fare dodgers' I know which side I will be on.......

A Scam To Be Aware Of

Last month I got hit by my bank after a little scam that I had certainly never considered before, but which must effect thousands of people per year.

Checking into a hotel, I was required to give my card details. I was informed that a £240 deposit would be marked against the card - roughly I assume the cost of my stay, and the value of the mini-bar!

On leaving a few days later I paid the £195 bill with my card, and naturally assumed the £240 would be cancelled. Come the end of the week, and I was astonished to find my bank had charged me £25 for going overdrawn, even though I had not done so. What followed was a kafkaesque journey into a world where big organisations blame each other, and the individual is the loser.

I had used my debit card as security at the hotel. Legally this gives the hotel the right for up to seven days to remove that money from my account - even if I have left the hotel, and paid in full after one night. Needless to say this is not explained to you by the receptionist. This sum is marked against your bank balance, so even if it is not actually used, it is a reserved sum that can be withdrawn.

My hotel insisted the bank should not have viewed the transaction in such a way. My bank insisted the hotel should have cancelled the transaction on my departure. Only after very lengthy phonecalls did the bank refund me my £25, and the whole experience has left a rather bitter taste in the mouth.

My conclusions are:

* If stopping in a hotel, use a credit card for deposits, or cash
* On departing, insist that all previous transactions are cancelled
* If banks charge you unfairly, do not stop arguing with them until they see sense
* Remember - scratch any major capitalist organisation, and you find a thief

Where In The World?

PC World seem to have the biggest scam going in the Christmas sales.

According to their extensive advertising over the Christmas period, PC World were offering laptops for some £200. Given this I popped down with an associate to a local store (I won't say which one in case it gets any of the staff into trouble)

One of the things bosses cannot do, no matter how hard they try is ensure that all their staff are delivering the corporate message, all of the time. An honest worker told us the truth. Yes there are laptops for £200 - but only 10 per day, and people had been queuing up for them at 0430. They had gone virtually as soon as the doors opened. It is a bit like those cut price train trickets that are advertised but virtually impossible to buy - only available between 1130 and 1215, on days of the week that do not have a Y in them, and only sold to people standing on one leg whilst using the internet in Ulverston.

The PC World scam is of course designed to get you in their stores, then hope you leave with something anyway. Like a lot of things, it should be illegal, but is not. So much for the law "protecting us" from unscrupulous businessmen.........

Why The Royal Mail Is Losing A Fortune

I popped out this afternoon to pay my TV/Internet and Phone bill.

It seems the Royal Mail have now introduced a charge of just under £2 to do this at my local post office. If I go to my local small supermarket (next door to the old post office that closed in 2003) I can pay nearly all my bills for free.

Do you get the feeling the government has already decided it wants to close the small post offices that actually remain, and that instead it wants to boost the finances of Londis, Spar, Robinsons's and similar companies?

Hands Free?

My mobile phone has always interfered with my car radio.

Yesterday whilst driving something entirely new happened. Although the keypad was locked on my phone, and the phone was face up on the passengers seat, the phone began making a call, itself, to a number in my address book.

How spooky is that? Or is this another Carphone Warehouse conspiracy to make even more money at my expense?