I Intend To Escape ......................And Come Back

Challenge 25? No Thank You

One depressing advert doing the rounds at the moment is Asda's promotion for Steinlager, which ends with Asda proudly announcing it is part of 'Challenge 25'.

Challenge 25 is a policy (now law in Scotland) which asserts that anyone who looks as if they are under 25 and attempting to buy alcohol should be challenged, and asked to provide proof of age. No proof - no beer. This nonsense comes to us courtesy of the United States, where a whole series of big stores have long abided by similar policies - often due to the distaste born-again Christian store owners held for alcohol. In 2001, at the aged of 32 and already stark staring bald, I was refused four cans in an Arizona supermarket on the grounds that I was under 40, and did not have proof of age. Whilst I had the pleasure of walking out and leaving a large amount of shopping on the conveyer belt, the petty unjustice of it still rankles.

The Challenge 25 orthodoxy ticks several boxes for those in authority. It means pretty much any young person on a night out is now required to carry identification with them. That is passport, photo driving licence or (no doubt) a specially created card made by the Challenge 25 industry - at considerable expense. Next, expect to see certain city centres shut off by police on Friday or Saturday nights this winter - with entrance only allowed to those who have had their ID checked. No ID - no city centre visit.
Bureaucrats will of course have a field day with all this nonsense - add up all the passports and driving licences lost by pissed up owners that will need to be replaced. Secondly all the staff expected to 'challenge 25' will need training - hence the training courses from as little as £295 from one retailer. With the pub and nightclub industry struggling in most cities, we can of course expect the costs of these changes to be passed on to one group of people only - the paying customer.

The next time politicians decide to make a push to reintroduce identity cards in Britain, we will be told that the ID cards will make life more convenient for us. How? Well, you will no longer have to take your passport or driving licence with you when you buy alcohol. Hackney South and Shoreditch MP Meg Hillier tried this nonsense when she was a Home Office Minister in 2009 - and no doubt others will follow. It is the oldest trick in the book - use one unpleasant and unneccesary law, to pave the way for another unpleasant and unneccesary law.

Unless I return to Arizona, I am very unlikely to be challenged to prove my age when buying beer. If you ever are, I really do encourage you to walk straight out and go to a pub, club or off licence where the owners and staff area little less petty. In resistance, we find life. In acceptance, we find only drudgery.  

Support The Cock Tavern

Sad news from Euston. 

The Cock Tavern is the type of traditional Irish pub that exists all too rarely in London these days. The decline of an overt Irish community, plus gentrification of so many working class areas has seen to that. Pubs struggle to make money in this economic climate, whilst a large pub, sold off and divided up into flats, makes a comfortable profit for any property developer. 

Sadly though the Cock Tavern's problem is not the above but the police - who have objected to the venue's licence. This is a scandal, and one that should be resisted. The first thing readers can do is to join the Facebook group defending the pub here. Next up should be ensure that you pop into the Cock for a pint or two to show your solidarity. Thirdly - sign the petition the landlady has started to show the depth of the support the pub enjoys - and do of course make your views clear to any of Camden Council's officials and election candidates you encounter. 

Save the Cock! 

Punk Advertising: Just Kill Yourselves

You may have spotted Punk Pale Ale in your local supermarket.

Its actually quite pleasant, and something I recommend trying. That is I did recommend trying it, until I saw it now comes with a garish tag advertising Equity For Punks. This is in fact a small flyer, added to each bottle, urging you to buy shares in producer Brew Dog.

One look at the website, and I am afraid it would revert the tamest ex-punk to hurling bottles of stale piss in the direction of anyone even daring to mention the words Punk IPA, Brew Dog or Equity for anything. Smug, self satisfied male models in suits, holding Punk IPA on comfortable leather seats, whilst lithe punk women frolic in the background. Like 'Bondage Up Yours' never happened.

As Bill Hicks would say - just kill yourselves............

Punk Pale Ale Reviewed

Earlier this year, whilst planting Christmas trees in a large and blowy East Anglian field, I was told that you could buy 'Punk lager' in Tescos. 

Now I always took 'Punk Lager' to be Special Brew (and before any wiseacre posts that Special Brew was invented by the Danish Court for Winston Churchill, it was not - that story is a myth) and feared I was having my plonker pulled. Browsing the shelves in my local supermarket this week, what did I see but - a bottle of Punk Pale Ale. 

In a way doing a Pale Ale rather than a lager is quite clever marketing - your drunk as fuck punks are already wedded to their super strong off licence beers, but those ageing punks pushing trolleys around Tesco's are probably interested in trying something different. 

If you see it - do try it, it has the full taste of pale ale, and proving you can ignore the toe-curling label statements, palatable.  The marketing blurb is bad -  "this is an aggressive beer" on the rear of the bottle, and (even worse) "post modern classic pale ale" on the front. Personally I don't find Pale Ale something I can drink a lot of - two or three bottles would be plenty -  but then again I was always a bit of a lightweight when it came to drinking. 

I am sure someone more immersed in Situationism than me will write a piece about Punk Pale Ale being the ultimate in recuperation. It is not. Guy Debord's writings have been declared a national treasure by the French Minister of Culture, and $650 per head dinners held to raise funds to keep his archives in France. Now that is recuperation.  

On This Day 21 August 1988

All day drinking is now 21 years old!

I can (just) about remember the excitement  of knowing that come 3pm you did not have to wait until 'early doors' for another pint, and can recall seeing people rushing from bar to bar on first day pub crawls. Eventually the novelty wore off, and any excitement there had been was tempered by the knowledge that strict 11pm shut downs put us well behind our European cousins. 

Eventually we caught up. Cheers! 

From Peak Time To Day Time

Tune it to ITV1 this afternoon at 3pm, for the chance to see Donal Macintyre. 

What fearless investigation is our noble truth seeker pursuing today? Find out for yourself by watching Daily Cooks Challenge, where Donal judges today's dishes, whilst presumably avoiding large parts of west London and constantly looking over his shoulder for Chelsea fans. 

It is hard to feel sorry for dodgy Donal. Off-loaded by the BBC after one iffy-programme too many, the decline in his career appears to be in inverse relationship with the level of hostility he experiences whilst going about his business. 

Whilst the police officers who prompted(?) and guided his 1999 'investigation' into the Chelsea Headhunters have no doubt gone on to different things, Macintyre Undercover will haunt its presenter for many years yet. 

As someone once said "Fame fame fatal fame." 

Where The Pub Trade Went Wrong.........

Personally I think the decline in the great British boozer began when pubs stopped looking like this.

Who would not want to spend an entire evening in such welcoming company?

A Nice Cup of Tea? Tea Beer Reviewed

Over in Brussels recently, I picked up a bottle of Tea Beer in one of the many beer shops. 

Tea Beer, made by Lindemans, is not it seems Belgian (the label on the back of the bottle is written entirely in Chinese) but it does come complete with a label that suggests that it is a beer made out of, or with tea. For 2 Euros I got a rather small measure (250 ml) that when poured  looks rather like a glass of brown tea with a gently bubbling head. 

Being the hay fever season my sense of smell is poor now, so I had better concentrate on the beers taste. Tea Beer is best compared to some of the Belgian fruit beers, although it is rather less sickly. If served to a man who was blindfolded they would be unlikely to identify tea as one of the ingredients (if indeed it is, my Chinese is rather weak) and I get the impression the drink would be unpleasant unless drunk ice cold. This is not a beer to leave in your bag for a few hours. 

All in all, worth trying, but if you have only limited space in your travel bag, you may be better off sticking to Duval or Hoegaarden. 

Wetherspoons and Camra: The Love In Continues

This weekend sees the last two days of the Wetherspoons Real Ale festival. 

There is much to admire in Wetherspoons. They have played a major role in promoting the cause of real ale in the UK, their pubs open early and serve food all day and some of their developments have revitalised dead or decaying buildings into vibrant venues. That of course is not quite the full story. 

As Class War has covered in various issues (and issue 2 of the Touch of Class magazine) Wetherspoons is at best a curates egg. Its dominance of the pub trade allows it to act like any dominant player in the marketplace, with all the unpleasant realities this entails. Of all the pub chains, they are perhaps the worst for petty rules (no tracksuit bottoms being the most ludicrous) CCTV surveillance of customers and for ramming the views of their Chairman, Tim Martin, down customers throats. When you buy a pint, the last thing you need to know is the Chairman's views on the European Union! 

Of all the issues with Wetherspoons however, the most worrying is its relationship with CAMRA, the Campaign for Real Ale.  Representing Britain's real ale drinkers since 1971, CAMRA has a vital role to play if the cause of good beer is to be promoted in our pubs and clubs. It is probably no surprise that CAMRA has chosen to work closely with Wetherspoons, (given Wetherspoons work in this field) but it is crystal clear that the relationship clouds both CAMRA's independence and judgement. 

CAMRA's Chief Executive, Mike Benner, has a page to himself in the Wetherspoons programme 'Festival News', promoting their International Real Ale Festival. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that it clearly comes at a price. Check these comments out:

"With nearly 60 pubs closing permanently every month, I am delighted to see that J D Wetherspoons is organising yet another real-ale festival which expects to sell over 3 million pints in just 18 days. Many British pubs are struggling, owing to the UK's ridiculously high rates of beer tax (the highest in the EU), the fall-out of the smoking ban and the difficulties of competing with ludicrously low supermarket prices for beer and other drinks."

I can think of at least one other problem many small landlords face. How about the problem of a large corporate competitor that aggressively opens up new pubs, often in areas well staffed with establishments selling real ale, and uses its economic power to undercut the prices of its smaller competitors? 

That sounds rather like Wetherspoons. The question is do CAMRA not realise this, or do they know it full well, but dare not say so because they are in bed with the very company forcing many of Britain's small landlords out of business? 

Uncle Joe's Mint Balls

No doubt as to my best Christmas Present this year.

I got a small tin of Uncle Joe's Mint Balls. Having not had one of these mints for years, I could not have been happier. It is worth noting however that whilst the taste has stayed the same since I last had one in the 1980s, the manufacturers now stress that the sweets are vegan friendly.

A sign of the times?

Guinness Marmite

Swansea delivers!

Over the past month, I have tried and failed to buy the St Patrick's Day promotion Guinness Marmite in London, Cheshire and Dublin. Having given up, where do I spot it but in Tesco's in Swansea yesterday!