I Intend To Escape ......................And Come Back

A European Union Joke

There has not been many posts on here for a while as I have been away working in Brussels.

I have returned from that small but perfectly formed European city with several bottles of beer, and less commonly, a joke about the European Union. Here goes:

Henry Kissinger famously asked "Who do I call when I want to call Europe?". Knowing this, the EU's High Representative for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy, Baroness Ashton, decided to address this failing when she met Hilary Clinton. At the end of their talk, she handed Hilary her business card. "When you want to call Europe, call me".

A few weeks later Colonel Gadaffi is about to send his troops into Misratah. With the President cool on intervention, Hilary reaches into her handbag and calls Europe. The phone rings - and rings. Then instead of Baroness Ashton's voice, the ansaphone comes on

"For the French position on Libya, please press 1. For the German position on Libya, please press 2. For the United Kingdom's position on Libya, please press 3..............

 

Anarchist Jokes

Last week the Anarchist Studies Network email group ran a series of Anarchist jokes.

These were mostly pretty obvious 'How many Anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?' 'None - the lightbulb must be smashed' but I rather liked this one.

An Anarchist, Trotskyist and a Stalinist each go home and find their partner in bed with someone else.
The Stalinist shoots them both.
The Trotskyist goes into another room and writes a 6000 word denunication of their act and calls for a split.
The Anarchist jumps into bed and joins them.

You can find more of this harmless nonsense at Riot Joke.

 

Poor Old Maggie!

Margaret Thatcher must be devastated. 

Her 85th birthday, she's too ill to attend her Downing Street party, and the only thing on television is miners celebrating! 

Thanks to the Deal Gooner for this one!

Todays Crap Joke

The quality of jokes being sent in has not improved.............

Did you hear the one about the fat, alcoholic transvestite? At Christmas all he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary!

Little Known Facts Number 1 - Tariq Ali and Eastenders

Welcome to a new series on this blog, which will attempt to introduce some fresh understanding into areas that may have been overlooked. It should be noted that whilst every attempt will be made to ensure that little known facts is broadly accurate - there is no guarantee that is, and anyone quoting from it in the future may end up looking rather foolish.

It is a little known fact that Tariq Ali was originally scheduled to play the role of a Pakistani Marxist doctor in the early episodes of Eastenders. Indeed he even promoted this as a groundbreaking opportunity for Asian born actors in his Guardian column of the time ‘Pompous Perspectives from Pimlico’.

However, after a row over a parking space at Elstree Studios, Lahore's greatest living thinker was replaced by the character of Dr Legg. Only one pilot recording had been made, featuring ‘Dr Ali’ reading Black Dwarf in his surgery whilst he waits for patients (no speaking dialogue was allowed, as Ali was not a member of Equity).

BBC Director General Mark Thompson had to sign off his sacking as it was feared that replacing a Pakistani Doctor with a Jewish one may damage the then perilous Middle East peace process. However, after Ariel Sharon said he could not see what all the fuss was about, Thompson decided it was OK to go ahead.

And Tariq Ali has never worked for the BBC since….

Crap Jokes Returns

Rafa Benitez goes into Church and says "Forgive my father, for I have sinned".

The Priest holds out his hand and says "Come forth my son".

Benitez looks ashen faced. "Come fourth? We'll be looking to come fucking tenth at this rate!"

Back To The Crap Jokes

Enough of all this waffle about politics, parapolitics, anarchism and class.

Thanks to the Kent Gooner for taking this blog back to where it truly belongs - the world of crap jokes:

Do you know a guitarist that could make me a sandwich?

No - but Johnny Marr might.

Today's Crap Joke

Welcome to a new section of this blog, where completely crap jokes will be pilfered, then posted, for no apparent purpose. 

To start the ball rolling:

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I keep waking up in the middle of the night and thinking that I'm Tom Jones.

Doctor: Oh I wouldn't worry about that. It's not unusual.